so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
