Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
