I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Someone shattered a urinal.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
