haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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