this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
