Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
