I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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