how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
