oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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