WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
