oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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