did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
