thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
