oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
