I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
