Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
