I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
These tits shall not be calmed
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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