That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
