Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
