Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
