have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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