where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you inspire me to be a worse person
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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