he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
