the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
