lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
