so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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