I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
