Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
