This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
