he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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