so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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