Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
