no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
