Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I need a beard to bite.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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