Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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