Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
