i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
