"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
