How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
