I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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