We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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