This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
