U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
