More tranny stories later!
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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