Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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