if you like me you must not know who I am
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
