Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
