Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
you never un-have a 4some
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
