I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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