So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
