I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Randomize
